Only Time.

c. David Grim (taken 10/17/10)

"Time is important to me now, I tell myself. Not that it should pass quickly or slowly, but be only time, be something I live inside and fill with physical things and activities that I can divide it up by, so that it grows distinct to me and does not vanish when I am not looking."

-Narrator, "Out Stealing Horses" by Per Petterson

It's not often anymore that I am so bowled over by a quote in a novel that I actually take the time to pull it from the text and record it elsewhere. But when I read this I was happy that I found a copy of this book at a garage sale for a buck this past weekend. It was on my radar, but I probably would have never taken the chance on this title if I had to pay much more than I did for it. I came across the author on Amazon after reading something that the site's search engine considered similar. Still I hadn't really been convinced that it was a "can't miss" selection.

Anyway... so far I'm enjoying the read. It's quiet and contemplative and gentle. But those words themselves are not. In fact they resound with authority, especially now that I am 40 years old. I've explained to others how I first experienced a serious sense of imminence when I turned 30. Nowadays that sense is almost overwhelming. One of the worst fates I can imagine is wasting time. I find myself structuring my days, and making deliberate choices about how to best spend my hours.

I don't want my life to pass by unnoticed. God forbid that I should reach the age of 80 and wonder what I did with the last several decades. Within the last couple of years I have learned how things might look when I view them with regret. That's not to say that I think I have made terrible choices, but rather that I want to make sure to avoid doing so in the future. And to cede intentionality in the favor of temporary amusement or consumption seems like a lousy decision to me. I just feel like I'm in a phase of considerable reassessment.